Today’s article will be my live reactions to last night’s Oscar telecast. If you missed it, I hope that you’ll feel like you were there.
6:17 - We are seventeen minutes into the pre-show and I’ve learned that Kisten Chenoweth is 4’11″ tall. I still don’t know who she is but damn is she short.
6:27 – Every time I see another trailer for Jack the Giant Killer, I’m less interested in seeing the film.
6:32 – They just introduced the “handsome” Joseph Gordon Levitt. Well thank goodness they found the handsome one. It would have a been a real challenge to think up a descriptor if the ugly one had shown up.
6:39 – The Oscar mystery game is quite possibly the least interesting thing about the Oscars except the short subject awards. Whoever thought that up has never been nominated for an Oscar and never will.
Movie award season is in full swing, my friends. The Oscar nominations are in. The Golden Globes are already doubling as hat stands.
And this weekend, they handed out the BAFTAs! I gotta say that I love the BAFTAs. Specifically, I love saying “BAFTA.”
Try it. Say “BAFTA.” Now shout it!
Wasn’t that awesome?
It sounds a little bit like a sound effect from the 1960′s Batman TV show. I think about Batman and the Joker facing off and Batman says “there will be no escape for you this time, Joker!” The Joker laughs (because he’s the Joker and that’s what the Joker does) and then he says “Oh you think so, bat breath? Think again!” And then he laughs again. Because he’s the Joker.
Hey there movie fans! The Oscar nominations came out a couple of weeks ago and I finally sobered up long enough to read over the nominees and offer you my thoughts. Unlike most years, I’ve actually seen a lot of the movies nominated in some of these categeories and so I feel more qualified than usual to bitch about the morons who nominate this shit. Let’s start with the top, shall we?
Holy fuck is this a depressing lot of movies. Is there a single movie in here that doesn’t involve major characters dying? Or being held hostage in Iran? Or being Silver Linings Playbook? Does the academy dislike cheerful people?
Speaking of cinematic death, let’s take a look at Quentin Tarantino for a moment, shall we? Do you think it is possible for the guy to make a movie that doesn’t kill off half of his cast? I don’t want to psychoanalyze the guy but doesn’t he seem a bit sociopathic? I’m pretty sure that every time he announces another film, the stock of every fake blood manufacturer goes up at least a couple of points.
Here’s a challenge for you, Quentin: make a movie in which nobody dies. There are a lot of great movies in which nobody dies. You could make one of those, you know. I love your movies but are you really stretching yourself in Django Unchained? The pile of corpses in that one is pretty impressive. But then, an impressive pile of corpses is nothing new from you, is it?
On this week’s podcast, Eric, Matt, Emily and Tim return to fucked up news to explore the world of donkey sex and boob burial, among other things. We also preview our February show, the White Male Priviledge show. We take insensitivity [...]
This week Tim, Jen, Eric and Salsa are joined by local comedian and spouse Bill Young to talk about the Fearless Comedy Launch party we had all just finished. We spend quite a lot of time preening over how well the event went and giggling uncotrollably because it was 2 in the fucking morning. Then we told some stories about gambling in anticipation of our upcoming Bryant Lake Bowl show. That doesn’t sound like a lot which makes it pretty shocking the pocast is over an hour long. We blame the uncontrollable giggling.
We’ve reached the time of the year where most movie writers as important as me are compiling their top ten lists for 2012. They know the movie going public is anxiously waiting to find out what the best films of the year are so they can stop wasting their money on shitty movies and spend the month of January watching all the good ones they missed in the theatre.
I am far too lazy for that. Instead, my top ten list is going to be the IMDB list of the top Ten Grossing Films of 2012, along with my oh so important commentary on those films. The difference between this list and other top ten lists is that I’ll be making a list of movies you’ve actually seen. Or at least movies you’ve heard of.
So, it’s time to get to the list. My top ten films of 2012 are:
When Peter Jackson decided to shoot The Hobbit at 48 Frames Per Second, he had no idea that his decision would lead to the tragic deaths of hundreds of nerds when rioting broke out. What began as a simple argument over the plusses and minuses of 48 vs. 24 fps rapidly escalated into a full scale battles complete with hand crafted armor, Dwarven battle cries and at least 78 confirmed replicas of Bilbo Baggins’ sword, Sting.
Rioting was confirmed world wide as advocates of the new technology taunted the traditionalists (whom they called “24 effing pee pee’s”) for their failure to appreciate the crystal clear resolution and stunning special effects. For their part, the traditionalists argued that the “Jackson-offs” (a not so subtle suggestion that the lovers of 48 fps were only fans because they believe Peter Jackson can do no wrong) were ignoring special effects that looked horrible and make-up that was not good enough for the high resolution.
Had the argument stopped there, it seems likely that many nerds would have been able to return to their parents’ basements without much more than a bruised ego. Unfortunately, the advocates of 24 fps chose to expand their criticism of the film to such taboo subjects as the appropriateness of the scenes with Radagast the Brown.
This week, Tim is joined by Eric, Salsa and Courtney to talk abouf fucked up news and our best and worst moments from 2012. Salsa clearly wins at fucked up news. Eric technically wins the home game but really, everyone loses. [...]