Movie award season is in full swing, my friends. The Oscar nominations are in. The Golden Globes are already doubling as hat stands.
And this weekend, they handed out the BAFTAs! I gotta say that I love the BAFTAs. Specifically, I love saying “BAFTA.”
Try it. Say “BAFTA.” Now shout it!
Wasn’t that awesome?
It sounds a little bit like a sound effect from the 1960′s Batman TV show. I think about Batman and the Joker facing off and Batman says “there will be no escape for you this time, Joker!” The Joker laughs (because he’s the Joker and that’s what the Joker does) and then he says “Oh you think so, bat breath? Think again!” And then he laughs again. Because he’s the Joker.
Then Robin says “Holy Suprise Attack, Batman! The Joker has arranged a surprise attack!”
Then a bunch of brightly dressed goons start fighting Batman and Robin and we see big title cards on the screen.
I know that has nothing to do with the British Academy Film and Television Awards but face it, you didn’t know that’s what they were actually called, did you? Hell, now that you know, you’ll forget about it in the next ten seconds because you really just want to say BAFTA again, don’t you.
I haven’t checked on the winners yet so it is with complete ignorance that I predict Anne Hathaway won the award for “most likely to win an award at every fucking awards show” this year and didn’t just say BAFTA over and over again. Maybe it’s because she’s a wet blanket. I figure it’s more likely that she had to hurry up and fly over to New York to accept a Grammy because the producers of the Grammies were feeling left out.
And I’m here to tell you, Anne, you missed a great opportunity. I don’t know how many more times in your life you’ll have the chance to just joyously shout BAFTA over and over again until the orchestra starts to play you off. You really ought to take advantage of that.
You were in a Batman movie, Anne! If anyone could understand, it should be you. You have to enjoy the moment!
The good news for Anne is that she’ll be accepting an Oscar in a couple of weeks and she has one more chance to make things right. Thank the Academy. Thank her new husband. Thank James Franco for not letting her accept the award on her own…
And then just start shouting BAFTA like a crazy woman.
This is your time, Anne.
Seize the day. Seize it!
And for those of you who aren’t expecting to snag every conceivable award for Best Supporting Actress, I say to you: let your BAFTA light shine!
Life has not yet killed the dream I dreamed!
…OK, that last bit was just silly, wasn’t it?