Dear Frigid Slut

Dear Frigid Slut,

 

I blacked out the last time I went drinking with my buddies, and woke up naked, covered in sharpie, with a dick on my face. A real one. Attached to a man, who was also naked. I’ve never been attracted to men before. I don’t think I am now. What do I do to make sure?

 

Signed Forgetful,

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Dear Frigid Slut

Dear Frigid Slut,

 

I’ve been dating a guy for six months now. Everything’s been going great and I thought we were totally compatible until one day I decided to clean his house as a surprise birthday gift. When I went into his closet to find dirty clothes I found a giant bunny suit with the crotch cut out! What the hell is he into? Does he want to have sex with animals? What do I do? How do I talk to him about this?

 

 

Signed,

Not THAT Kind of Bunny

 

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Dear Frigid Slut

Dear Frigid Slut,

I’ve started dating a woman who I really connect with, except for this one thing. See, I’m kind of a vanilla guy when it comes to sex. She’s a dominatrix. Like, she beats other men and tells them what to do for their enjoyment. Getting hit by someone in the throes of passion might do it for some people, but I just find it distracting at best. Also, sometimes I’ll suggest a position, and then she starts yelling at me, telling me that she’ll tell me what I like. What can I do to get her to let me be in charge once in a while?

Signed,
Plain

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Dear Frigid Slut…

Dear Frigid Slut,

I’m poly-amorous with a wife and 2 girlfriends. I love them all very much; each one is beautiful in her own unique way, and connects with me on her own different but wonderful level. And they’re all incredibly hot. One of them has this slender frame with a tiny waste and perky breasts. One has quite possibly the roundest ass you’ve ever seen…
They all know each other and often hang out together. In fact, we had a meal together the other night, and all the ladies started teasing me. I felt ganged up on, really. I’m beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea. Thoughts?

 

Signed,
Big Heart

Dear Frigid Slut

Dear Frigid Slut,

I’m insecure about the size of my penis. My girlfriend says it’s a nice size, but we all know what THAT means. Since everyone knows you’ve seen a lot of cock, I was hoping you could tell me if my dick is too little. Can we arrange a time to meet?

Signed,
Small

Dear Frigid Slut…

Dear Frigid Slut,

My girlfriend complains that I fart on her in my sleep. Apparently, I even turn towards her to do so. It’s really upsetting her. I don’t think she gets to be upset, as I’m not doing so consciously. How can we work through this?
Signed,

Dear Frigid Slut…

Dear Frigid Slut,

I want to try new things in the bedroom. I recently bought a ball gag, but it makes me feel like I’m going to vomit. Any suggestions on how to make this work?

Signed,

Dear Frigid Slut…

Dear Frigid Slut,

My mother is SO embarrassing! She talks about how she’d like to have sex with Brad Pitt, which is like SO gross, and she does it around my friends, and now they won’t come over anymore. She also talks about her period all the time. And she doesn’t wear a bra, so she nips out and makes people uncomfortable. She is KILLING my social life. HELP!

Signed,
Teen-ager

Dear Frigid Slut…

Dear Frigid Slut,

I read an article recently that a man can increase his life expectancy by 5 years if he stares at a woman’s breasts for 10 minutes a day. Does it matter how big the breasts are? My wife is flat, and I’m really concerned about my health.

Signed,

Ogler Continue reading Dear Frigid Slut…

Dear Frigid Slut...

Dear Frigid Slut,

I am going to CONvergence for my first time and I’m not sure what to expect. I hear there are lots of hot, slutty girls in next to nothing costumes there. How do I get laid at a science fiction convention?

Signed,

N00b Continue reading Dear Frigid Slut…