According to a report in the Christian Science Monitor, Japan has begun storing radioactive waste beneath the ground in local playgrounds and public parks.
Speaking English completely out of sync with his mouth movements, Japanese Scientist and Government Official Shiruku Uddo was enthusiastic about the program’s chances of success. “Japan has learned much from the United States, Britain, and Russia about these mutant-development programs. The Chernobyl efforts have produced a number of notable mutations, and we are hopeful our similar project in Fukushima will be as productive. However, in an effort to increase the chances of superpower development we have undertaken a program to share radiation with all of Japan.” Titled the Youth Radiation Brigade, Japanese schoolchildren are being offered the chance to participate for free in the hopes that they will develop such popular mutant powers as flight, laser vision, and invulnerability.
The Japanese effort which includes burying nuclear waste in unmarked portions of playgrounds and other public places, has already begun to have an effect. Local mothers report that several children exhibit a soft blue glow that makes it is easier to find them after dark. Others have reported that their children’s hair has begun to fall out, recognized by experts as the first step in super-brainiacism.
While mutations in Russia, the US and Great Britain have so far only resulted in superpowers such as Ultra Tumor Growth, Anencephaly, and the as-yet unnamed ability to inflict misery upon millions of innocents, still Japanese experts are hopeful.
“Back in the 1940′s, Japan and America pioneered a joint program in the use of widespread radioactive exposure to develop mutant superpowers, which gave us Gojira, Mothra, and Rhodan. Japan expects programs such as Fukushima and this Youth Radiation Brigade to help it reclaim leadership in the field of radioactive mutations,” said Shirokku, seated on a teeter-totter in a bright yellow heavily lead-lined environment suit.