Minnesota’s Proposed Voter ID Amendment

On November 6th, 2012, Minnesotans will vote whether to pass an amendment to amend Article VII, Section 1 of the Minnesota Constitution. The text of the question is as follows:

“Shall the Minnesota Constitution be amended to require all voters to present valid photo identification to vote and to require the state to provide free identification to eligible voters, effective July 1, 2013?” Yes/No

If the Voter ID Amendment passes, there will be many new trials to be passed and requirements that voters will need to meet. The most well-known are that voters would need to have a valid photo ID with their current address, and they must be registered prior to voting day in order for their vote to be counted.

A lesser-known test is that when prospective voters show up on election day, a large rock will be tied to their leg and they will be tossed in one of Minnesota’s ten thousand lakes. If they float, they are allowed to vote and if they sink, they are not. The fact that Republicans are known to float and Democrats are known to sink is not relevant. Since both Republicans and Democrats are given equal treatment and both will need to get themselves out of the lake, it is not a discriminatory practice.

While this amendment would not eliminate same-day voter registration, it would eliminate their chance of having their vote counted for that election. Once people have passed all of the Voter ID requirements, they can register any day of the year. However it would mean the registered person’s vote would not be counted for that election.

There is one exception to the same-day registration rule. In the event that they may be pregnant, trans-vaginal ultrasounds will be required for all women. As the GOP platform values implanted eggs more than women, their vote also needs to be counted and they are willing to allow same-day registration for them- after all, they may not have existed in time for early registration. The ultrasound will allow the bundle of cells to vote in a “yay” or “nay” motion. (In Arizona, since women are considered pregnant 2 weeks before pregnancy, if no zygote is found then it will be considered a vote for the GOP). In the event that a fetus vote will be counted and a woman’s vote will not, it is her fault for moving, going to college, getting married, or not being able to afford the time or money to acquire the required identification.

The proposed amendment is not forthcoming on how ID’s will be paid for, since by law voters can not be forced to pay to vote. However since the GOP wants smaller government and fewer taxes (for rich people), this amendment will be paid by raising taxes on poorer people and wedging the government into poor people’s lives. It seems only fair, as poor people will be the ones who get the free ID’s. Which will only anger the Republicans, as this means poorer people will continue to leech off of the system to get “free” ID’s.