Berea, OH – The tragic death of Cleveland Browns grounds crew member Eric Eucker here at the Browns’ Berea, Ohio training facility, on the same day as the nightmarish murder-suicide of Kasandra Perkins by Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher, has brought to light the dirty secret hidden by the bright lights of the National Football League: bullying.
Cursed with the last name “Belcher,” the linebacker was subject to an endless parade of locker room hijinks, from cruel nicknames like “Burper” and “Farter,” to having the word “Belcher” stitched humiliatingly across his official NFL jersey.
Eucker, meanwhile, was described by friends as a gentle man, kind, who cared about his friends and was firm in his faith. Obviously these behaviors prompted bullying from his football colleagues who label such sentiments ‘weak’ and even ‘feminine.’
“He was such a good man,” said one co-worker, “But these bastards kept tearing the bottom line off of the capital E on his name. It was hard to watch even though it did make me laugh.”
“It was painful to see,” echoed a teammate of Belcher’s. “The towel boys would snap towels at his butt. The cheerleaders would make themselves belch around him,” the man said, sobbing. “He was completely defenseless. Some of the guys from marketing would climb up on a step-stool and give him noogies.”
The 6′ 2″ linebacker was helpless before these cruel attacks. In the end, he had no choice but to shoot Perkins before ending his own life.
NFL Commissioner Roger Gooddell announced immediate plans to crack down on bullying in the league. “No longer will our players have to suffer the kind of cruel teasing and physical abuse that have driven these desperate men to such tragic ends,” Gooddell announced at a hastily convened press conference.
Asked by a reporter whether the NFL’s culture of machismo, aggression, competitiveness, and even at times steroid and other drug abuse may have contributed to the violence and self destruction of these tragic events, Gooddell dismissed the suggestion. “It was bullying, and they weren’t man enough to handle it. And don’t go blaming it on depression or mental illness, either,” Gooddell warned, “Only pussies get that shit. Jesus, what kind of a wimp are you?” The reporter left the room in tears.
A silver lining on the tragedy, the Chiefs went on to a 27-21 victory over the Carolina Panthers, ending an eight-game losing streak for the Chiefs. As of press time there was no word on any silver lining in the Eucker case.