The spirit of athletic competition has always inspired man to push his personal limits, to give more when it seems there is nothing left, to make the attempt even when the odds say it’s impossible, to hold out for a better contract by signing with the Yankees. Today, a classic underdog story has been played out before an appreciative, if somewhat wary and fearful public. Today, the walking dead – ran.
Long consigned to the “ref” or team manager positions in any athletic endeavor, the walking dead surprised everyone this year by securing the prestigious Presidential Physical Fitness Award.
The groundbreaking event, if you’ll pardon the pun, took place in a small town outside of Pittsburg last Friday afternoon. The government was hesistant to confirm or deny the award, “We are advising residents to stay in their homes, and if a relative appears to have been infected, immediately call your nearest National Guard station,” said spokesperson General John Rockman.
The dead were difficult to reach for comment, but this reporter was able to secure this brief comment from a passing ghoul, “Brains . . .”