Fans of the “Twilight” series flocked to the theaters to see the newest Kristin Stewart film Snow White and the Huntsman. Their rabid fandom showed its dark side, however, when they realized that the film did not feature sparkly vampires or shirtless werewolves.
Janine Mumford, who described herself as “like, the most hugest Twilight fan EVER!” while wearing a “Team Jacob” T-shirt was bitterly upset. ”Like, where was Taylor Lautner?” she complained. ”He is, like, totally the best part of the Twilight movies. I have, like, five posters of him on my bedroom wall! Or is it six? It’s five! No, it’s totally six! I forgot about the screen print I have of him from the MTV Movie Awards. He was so totally hot that night…”
Mumford was hardly alone. Team Edward member Betsy Huggins had this to say about the film “what idiot thought anyone wanted to see a movie with Kristin Stewart in it? Robert [Pattinson] is such a dreamboat! I mean, what the heck has Chris Hemsomething ever done?”
Editors Note: She was referring to Chris Hemsworth, star of “Thor,” “The Avengers” and “Cabin in the Woods.”
While Mumford and Huggins kept their disdain to angry blog posts, many other Twihards rioted at the nearby Showplex 24. Managers attempted to placate them with offers of free tickets to an advance screening of Breaking Dawn – Part 2 but their efforts failed.
“Turns out they all had tickets already,” manager Tim Doyle said, shaking his head, “we finally just told them that we saw Robert Pattinson in the alley behind the theater and had them chase down one of the projectionists we’d dressed in black and covered with glitter. He should get out of the hospital next week.”
Theater owners warn movie goers to let the buyer beware and Huggins, at least, is taking that warning to heart.
“The next time I go to a movie with Kristin Stewart in it,” she admits, “I’m going to check to make sure Robert or Taylor are in the movie too. “